I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
