Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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