she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
