help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize