How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
