There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pooping to opera.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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