its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Found the puke drawer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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