I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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