my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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