i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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