Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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