ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
