she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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