Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
