Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
