so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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