Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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