Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
