i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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