Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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