So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
