sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
