Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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