It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
