Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
