i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize