I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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