Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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