Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
