Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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