i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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