Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
How's work?
Spinning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
