She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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