I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
