I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
