Where is the hickey?
I will die if light touches me.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
