After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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