I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
