Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
