I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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