i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
