it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
