I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
