WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
