I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize