smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
