he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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