i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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