At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
