Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
