He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
