i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize