I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
