people are starting to question the shark bite story
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
