so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
