your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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