This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
