i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
