It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
