You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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