my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
