I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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