Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize