did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
