She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sarcasm needs its own font
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize