she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
